Adjusting Our Focus

Yesterday, I was on this fast moving train that started at 5 am to leave for work by 6. From there I was going at break-neck speed from Shorewood to New Lenox, to Glen Ellyn back to New Lenox. Speeds cruising at 180 mph, aiming for my final destination; my mom’s in Cicero.

While I was turning the bend in New Lenox for the third time, the train came to a screeching halt. My sister called me from the dairy section in Wal-Mart to tell me her surgeon just called with her latest biopsy report and the report was not good. The third tumor was malignant and she was now looking at a more serious surgery. Yep, she received the news at Wal-Mart. No longer are the days where they call you to the office with your loved one holding your hand to tell you the NEWS.  

I was scheduled to fly out the next morning and be with her for what we thought in the beginning was a very early stage of breast cancer; probably radiation, and no chemo. But, it’s always something and as more tests were done more things were revealed and quite honestly we’re not sure what were looking at.

I quoted Rick Warren in a previous blog paraphrasing that life is like a set of railroad tracks where good and bad are happening at the same time and often on the same day. I have had more than a few of those days and yesterday was no exception.

At work I said good-bye to my manager who was let go without any warning after many years of service, followed by a call from my son to see if I wanted to join his wife at the “greet and meet” for my granddaughter, Onya, who is starting kindergarten. It was also my grandsons Max's first day of high school.

As I was driving home thinking about all my grandchildren and my niece expecting her precious baby Luca this fall, I was overwhelmed with joy and happiness. Then in a matter of minutes my sister called and I was sitting in the parking lot of Taco Bell with tears streaming down my face.

How then should we live? How then do we reconcile all these emotions that come at us with lightening speed? When prayers aren’t answered for our loved ones the way we want? When our hearts are confused by all that is happening in the world around us? We adjust our focus.

When confusion enters my life and I can’t make heads or tails of the situation I know I have taken my focus off of God. I still may not fully understand but I know that God does. He tells us, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, or are your ways My ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways and thoughts higher than yours.”

In my personal bible study I am studying the names of God: names of His deity, character, power, authority, splendor, intimacy and sufficiency. And as often is the case when I feel like my life is on a run-away train, I simply have to pull that emergency handle, go to His word and adjust my focus.

We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Every Once In A While

Last week had me on an emotional roller coaster. Even though my life at times may be going at tremendous speed and I’m hanging on for dear life, for the most part my emotions stay on a level plane; joyful and thankful. I can say 99% of the time I wake up happy and looking forward to the day.

Even as the events of the day progresses and situations occur that could easily rain on my parade, I open up my umbrella and move on. But, once in awhile my umbrella jams and I find myself having a full fledged, feel sorry for myself pity party– getting soaked to the bone.

Yep, that’s what happened last week and being a festive person I decorated for my pity party. I went all out, putting up balloons and streamers everywhere.  I don’t just put up streamers for my current weeks pity party; like my sister being diagnosed with breast cancer, or the economy so far in the toilet we don’t have a plunger big enough to fix it, or that I don’t have what it takes to finish the book I started two years ago. No, no, no, I go back years, put up more streamers of pity about all the unfairness and injustice of a lifetime.

I know I’m not alone in this, author Missy Morrow wrote about her own pity party after hearing of her cancer diagnosis. She was much more sociable than myself and invited guests, who I know for fact, were trying to crash my party.
    
 “When I heard of my cancer diagnosis, I threw myself a party–a pity party.The first guest to appear was Fear. In his gift, I found the fear of losing  friends and facing financial pressure and my own mortality. Next  to arrive was Doubt. Inside his gift was the doubt of whether I would see my children grow up and would be attractive when this was over. Not far behind was Anger. His gift contained anger at how cancer would turn my life upside down, and yes anger at God. Dread seemed to take his time getting to the party. His gift was the dread of the treatments and losing my identity.
The last guest to appear was Jesus. I raced toward Him and quickly opened His gift to discover:

                        Hope…promise for the future

                        Strength…the ability to endure

                        Grace….God’s Help

                        Comfort… in pain, trouble and anxiety

                        Peace….calmness

                        Healing….restoration of mind, spirit, and body

                        Joy…..a sense of well-being

                        Love… compassion and devotion shown by God…..”

All of us, every once in awhile, will have a pity party, and that’s ok. Just remember not to leave the decorations up too long, invite Jesus and make Him a permanent guest.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b

Morrow, Missy and Ann Scuggs. “Throw Yourself a Party.” Praying Through Cancer

Susan Sorensen and Laura Geist. Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, 2006.7-8