Common Threads

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 (NAS).

Last week a memorial service was held for the mother of three of my children. Yes, that does sound odd or maybe it doesn’t in these times of non-traditional families. I have two wonderful sons that I was blessed to bring into this word and three wonderful children that I was blessed to have them in my life from very young ages.

Three years ago, I was sitting at my desk, when my daughter called. I knew by the sound of her voice something was wrong. As she composed herself she told me her mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. As I always do when hearing disturbing news, I gasp, because I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

My daughter was crying and wanting to let me know that she would need to be there for her mom while she went through surgery and whatever she needed. I remember telling her I would have expected no less and that I’m thankful she grew into a woman with a huge caring heart.

I could not have said those words ten years ago. There was always a strained or non-relationship between me, the step-mother and her, Sharon their mother. Years have passed; kids have kids of their own, time marches on, and God steps in.

For the past ten years my walk with Christ has grown into a deeper relationship; through prayer, studying His word, and asking daily for the Holy Spirit to help me navigate through sometimes deep waters of feelings and emotions. It’s because of this walk that my heart hurt for my children and Sharon as she suffered and fought through painful surgeries and they watched through broken hearts.

While driving to work last week, the call came from my son that his mom passed away. We had been expecting this and even praying that God would take her quickly and quietly home. But it’s still hard to accept when those prayers are finally answered.

There was a strange feeling that came over me. Sharon had been in my life as long as the children have; 35 plus years. We are very different women with very different personalities but through the course of her life and toward the end of her life we shared common threads; three children, grandchildren, and cancer. God was able to weave those common threads into hearts filled with compassion for each other and the children we love.

As moms, we want to take the hurt away from our children but as my wise mom, a woman who lost her first husband at a very young age and has survived most of her family, told me, “it takes time and God filling up that huge hole in your heart to help you through the loss of someone you love."

I came across this poem that speaks the words from a mothers heart to her children.

Loss of a Mother

Now that I am gone,

Remember me with smiles and laugher.

And if you need to cry,

Cry with your brother or sister

Who walks in grief with you.

And when you need me,

Put your arms around anyone

And give to them what you need to give to me.

There are so many who need so much.

I want to leave you with something ~

Something much better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people I have known

Or helped in some small way

Let me live in your heart

As well as in your mind.

You can love me most

By letting your love reach out to others and our loved ones

By embracing them and living in their love.

Love does not die, bodies do.

So, when all that’s left of me is love,

Give me away as best as you can.

~ Author Unknown

Why?

This past week-end I had the pleasure of spending time with my three year old grand-daughter, at her home. She is at that fun and inquisitive age where everything is why? Never really satisfied with the answer she always follows up with another, why?

Sunday morning we went to the church where she goes with her mom and dad. I knew to go early because it is a sizable church and just the walk across the parking lot can take five minutes. As I navigated through the hallways looking for her Sunday school room, we walked deep into a forest of fun filled classes that ranged from honey-bees to frogs. I soon discovered my grand-daughter was a frog.

After dropping my precious little frog off, I didn’t know whether to get a muffin at the café or buy a book at their lovely gift shop. However, I could hear the worship music and decided to postpone the two loves of my life, eating and reading for a later time. Being greeted by a friendly man handing out bulletins I took my place in the back row of the sanctuary.

When the worship music was done, the lights lowered, and I soon realized they were having a baptismal service. Two beautiful young women were joining the many believers in demonstrating their faith in Christ through baptism. As in many churches where they baptize by submersion a brief statement or testimony is given by the believer to share when and how they turned their life over to Christ, and often thank anyone who might have been instrumental in this life changing decision.

I was very touched by the first girl’s testimony and was thinking how much courage it took for someone in their twenties to boldly stand up for what she believes. Then the second girl as beautiful as the first girl started giving her testimony and you could hear a pin drop.

She told of how she loved Christ and how through a series of events in her life brought her to where she was today. She spoke of how she survived a drive-by shooting ten years prior and then as recent as a few months ago endured a violent domestic attack. During this attack she remembers asking Christ that if this is to be the end of her life, she wanted to spend it with Him and if it wasn’t and she survived she wanted to spend the rest of her life living for Him. As she emerged from the water she was radiant with a beautiful aura and smile.

At this point I could not contain my tears, and as always I’m the only woman on planet Earth that never has a kleen-ex. As I made my way to the ladies room, I thought how this young woman experiencing those violent attacks could have made a different choice. It brought to mind the two thieves on the cross, perhaps, because Christians will soon celebrate the Easter season, commemorating the death, burial and resurrection of the Messiah.

The one thief because of his pain and sin mocked Christ and rejected him. While the other thief realizing who Christ was and is wanted to be a part of the Kingdom to come and simply asked Christ to, “remember him.”

We have choices in life regarding our belief in Christ and often times a traumatic experience will bring us to that choice. Either we shake our fists at God and demand that He do something, as the one thief did or we realize our sin and hopelessness in a life without Him and ask Him to simply, “remember me.”

In my devotions this morning I was reading in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3, a familiar passage. As often is the case you can read something for the tenth time and always find something new or what I like to refer to as a little gem. The author writes in Ecclesiastes; “He has made everything beautiful in it’s time. Also, He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.”

My study notes defines it this way; “all of God’s creation is beautiful. Eternity in our hearts refers to a deep-seated, compulsive drive to transcend our mortality by knowing the meaning and destiny of the world. We can find peace only when we come to know and trust our eternal Creator. Even then, we know God only in part. From beginning to end: all we see is a micro-moment of our own existence in the grand span of eternity. The Scriptures calls us to live in robust faith, during times of trial and pain and in the grand scheme of things God will make everything beautiful.”

Like my grand-daughter we can continue to ask why? But, in the grand scheme of things it’s not the why but the how we react when trials and circumstances are heavy on us. We can trust that God will take our trials, pain and circumstances and make everything beautiful in His time.


Note: Written in March 2010, reposted on blog.

Good News Bad News

“The Lord your God is in your midst, The Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

Last Wednesday was my six month check-up for breast cancer. A digital mammogram and CT scan was scheduled. The CT scan was at my request to follow-up on a nodule or lesion the hospital had found on my lung a year and a half ago.

The mammogram showed no signs of cancer and I am praising God for His blessing. I wasn’t overly concerned about the CT scan since I was assured that most people have these anomalies on the lungs.

These tests were scheduled six months ago at my last checkup, so who knew it would be two days before I was scheduled to fly out to Florida and meet up with Ron and Bailey our Golden Retriever, they drove down earlier.

I had totally forgotten about the CT scan. You’ve heard the old saying, “no news is good news” and in preparation for my trip I assumed everything was hunky-dory. I spent the night at my brothers to visit with mom and the next morning he drove me to the airport.

Purse, check; carry-on bag, check; books, check; ticket, check; fun, check. Everything was in order and all was good.  My brother and I were busy chatting about Florida weather and when he was going to come down and spend some time fishing when the phone rang.

Jumping out of his car at the departure terminal I recognized the number immediately, it was the hospital. This was good; get a clean bill of health before I leave. But the voice on the other end surprised me. It was the same doctor who in another phone conversation a year and half ago informed me I had breast cancer. I stood frozen in the middle of Midway Airport, people were coming and going, hailing cabs, babies crying, kids playing and I just stood there with my hand shaking.

She indicated she was following up on the CT scan. I realized in that moment as much as I thought I prepared myself for bad news, I was instantly transported to the afternoon I first heard the words cancer.  I could barely breathe. 

I was expecting her to tell me there was something wrong with the lungs but she immediately went on about my gall-bladder surgery that had to be done during my chemo treatment. I kept trying to process what she was telling me. But all I kept thinking, ok, when are you going to tell me about the lung.

At the end of a lengthy explanation how during my emergency gall bladder surgery, three stones were lodged in the duct area and she assumed at the time of the surgery they would pass, the CT indicated they were still there. Shocked that I didn’t know anything about this her next statement was, “and by the way your oncologist wanted me to tell you no changes on the lung and it’s just a nodule.”

She went on about the risks of leaving them and the risk of having the procedure done. Neither sounded like a good option, which reminded me of another choice I just recently made; who to vote for this upcoming election. And I remember thinking even then there really is no good choice and yet I know I have to choose one.

The doctor felt I was not in any immediate danger unless I started experiencing symptoms.Of course you know how that goes, all of a sudden I went from being perfectly fine to having all of these symptoms and by this time I’m 20,000 feet in the air.

Good news it’s not cancer. Bad news is I have to have another surgery or procedure. I woke early the next morning in sunny Florida. The sun was not up yet and I laid there thinking of the verse that the Lord has all of my days numbered that He knows every hair on my head, He knew all about this and His love quieted my soul.

Later my sister called, she had researched the pros and cons of my choices and actually I felt better after talking to her. As far as the risks and the election, I’ll leave them both in the Lord’s hands and that is the best news of all.