A Sweet Sweet Word

Last Friday my daughter Gina and I met at Loyola early, very early and proceeded to get all the tests my oncologists had ordered. MRI, tumor biopsy, CT scan and a bone scan, which took the whole day. Fortunately, I had gone the day before to get the digital mammogram.

Wednesday morning was the day for the results and consult. Ron went for a walk early and continued to pray and my son Phil met us at Loyola. Two years ago Phil's lightening speed on the blackberry made it possible for him to take down every word of our conversation when we met with the oncology team. His fingers were ready.

Again, I was at great peace. I had many, many people storming heavens gates. My former Pastor Steve in Morris, Marty and Carol prayed with Ron and me Sunday, as Pastor Steve anointed and prayed for healing. Loved ones close to me fasted and prayed and the peace continued.

One of the most unexpected and touching prayers came from my eight year old twin niece and nephew, Lori and Jay. Ron had called to speak with his sister, but Lori answered the phone. She said, “Uncle Ron, how is Auntie Wanda?” He told her that I was hanging in there. She then said,” will you tell her that I am praying for her and mom told us we have to pray a certain way.” Jay, not to be left out, jumped on the phone and said, “I’m praying too Uncle Ron, the whole family is praying.”

The next time Ron spoke with his sister, he asked her what Lori meant. She told him,” I always tell the kids when they pray, to pray in Jesus name.”  I called to tell Sally to thank the twins for their prayers. She told me that every night since they heard, Jay and Lori would go together in Jay’s room where he has a little prayer stand that he made, with all his prayer books and they would pray for me not to be sick. It doesn’t get any more precious than that.

When the oncologist entered the room, she sat down, and said, with little emotion, “every thing is fine.”  That actually wasn’t processing. After a moment I asked, “are you telling me the tumors are benign?” She said,” yes.” I reminded her that last week you were sure the cancer had returned and the breast surgeon was advising me to leave the smaller tumor in place to see how it reacted to chemo.” She said, “I know we are both surprised by this, we have had emails going back and forth. I asked her if she was sure she had the right person and the right tests. She indicated that was something they looked at very carefully as well. There is no cancer anywhere in your body.

Tears welled up for all of us; actually, Ron had to step out of the room. Phil’s fingers were silent. We sat in amazement at the good news. As we stepped out of the office, my best friend Judy was walking toward us. I looked at her and said, “it’s benign.” We hugged, we cried, we laughed. We all stood around talking for a few minutes about getting a second opinion. Sounds good, second opinion, lunch, perhaps a little shopping. Living life, how sweet that sounds.

Ron and I went by my moms and had lunch with her and my brother, celebrating the good news. My sister told me from the beginning, “your cancer is not back,” she believed that with her whole heart. Things like this are particularly hard on her and my son Sam because they live in other states. But through technology and Skype, it’s like I have them right here. They may not can physically hold my hand or be with me but their love and prayers transcend time and space and I can feel them always holding my heart.

As we drove home, I kept telling Ron about the amazing peace I had all week and I wondered if all of this was for someone else. As if God was saying, “I have to take you through something for a short period but I’m going to hold you and give you peace.” I did exactly what I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me all week and I left the rest with Him.

We may never know this side of heaven the answer to, “Why?” We can know this side of heaven that God is sovereign and in control. Would I be writing something different if the cancer was back? No. As one cancer survivor and friend said, “God is good all the time.” We never know what a day or moment will bring, it is important, it is imperative where we stand with Christ.

I have been trying all week to get ready for a wedding for this week-end in St. Louis ~ dress, jewelry, shoes. I had other things occupying my time and wasn’t sure if I really felt like dancing but we were going to help celebrate this young couple’s new beginning.

I have to say nothing like the sweet word, BENIGN, to get me looking for my dancing shoes. 

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for all your prayers and love and Carpe Diem, we only have the promise of right now.

Hungry River: A Yangtze Novel

“My dear, Lizzie, you and your child are in Almighty God’s hands, whether here in Shanghai or on the River, whether in life or death. What’s important is that we’re together and serving the Almighty.”  One of my favorite passages from, “The Hungry River,” by Millie N.S.

I first met Millie at a Christian Writer’s Conference along with a young beautiful author Jena in 2009, whose own memoir, “Hollow," was published by Moody last year. I had finished my last chemo treatment two days earlier and was only able to attend the one day.

For me it was a perfect day. As it was meant to be, I have become good friends with two women whom the Lord has taken the story of their lives and inspired them through the written word, to encourage and help others. I know we all have a story but believe me, not all stories are equal, helpful or intriguing.

I am currently reading a book~ a book club pick and honestly, I really don’t know how or why it was published.  I thought at first it was going to tell me a lot about the Mennonites because she happened to be raised in the Mennonite faith. Wrong. It is such a struggle to read. But I enjoy the company of my book club friends, I enjoy the food and I get through it,

An agent friend, Diana, once wrote how it disheartened her to see so many great stories not getting published when the likes of some books (that make us shake our heads and say, “really,”) grace the shelves of our bookstores, internet, and television.

I couldn’t put Hungry River down.  I am not a reviewer and if you go to Amazon.com, her first review captures the book in far better detail than I could.  http://www.amazon.com/Hungry-River-Yangtze-Millie-N-S/dp/1591967422/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301415311&sr=1-1

It tells of Millie’s grandparents and how they met, truly a love story. A calling to be missionaries in China in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s in the midst of the Boxer Rebellion. The binding of women’s feet, killing of baby girls and bodies floating down the river. 

The story begins with snippets of Abbie’s present day journal, after “Abbie goes through and sorts out her China boxes ~ boxes that held her family’s old journals and letters.”  “Hungry River” takes you from 1864 to 1931 and the sequels, which  I’m looking forward too; “Dragon Wall,” from 1933 to 1958 and “Jade Cross,” from 1967-2008..

Besides the history of China in that time period and falling in love with the characters, “Hunger River,” left me with an appreciation, a deep caring and amazement in my heart for those who are called to the mission field in foreign countries. To leave all the comforts of home, and all their families to share the gospel of Christ to often hostile people, risking their lives and the lives of their children, I am in awe.

There is a sign that many churches have as you leave the premises. There was such a sign in the older church at First Baptist in Morris, that I read every time I left; “You are now entering the mission field.”  I know we are not all called to leave our families and go to foreign lands to share the gospel but we are as Christians all called to give a cup of cold water and proclaim the gospel of Christ.

I Corinthians 7:17 “But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk.”

The Fight Continues

Cancer Sucks !! I hate that word, well actually I hate both words, but stinks, just doesn’t quite cover it.

I met with my oncologist yesterday after a concern of mine and her words were, “it appears that the cancer has returned.” Having triple negative I knew there was a chance but I didn’t expect it so soon.

The first time I heard the words, “its cancer,” I was devastated. I shook, I cried. For months I could not get control of the fear and wrap my head around this horrible invader. After having the tumor removed, it appeared the three main lymph nodes were clean. They sewed me up and sent the nodes off to the lab.

Upon closer examination there was a smidge in one node. Another surgery. On my second treatment of chemo, my gallbladder was infected and spreading poison throughout my system. Another surgery. Recently because of the gallbladder surgery, apparently three stones managed to drop in the bile duct and decide they liked living there, which would have caused a life threatening situation. Another procedure. I really think there should be a cap on surgeries and procedures in one’s lifetime, not from an Obama Care mandate, but just sayin’.

I fought the fight the first time and have read other stories where the cancer has returned and thought, oh my goodness, I would fall apart. But guess what? I heard what the oncologist had to say, and I was amazed at the grace and peace God showered on me yesterday and today. Tears came as I thought about Ron, my mom, my family, my bucket list, but not for long. I refuse to go back in the pit that God has taken me out of. I refuse to let cancer control my life. It will have some part of it, only to fight it; but not all of it.

It did NOT take my laughter this time, it did NOT take my joy. I have a renewed sense of God’s love for me daily. Now, don’t get me wrong, they have ordered a slew of tests for Friday. And I’m thinking, how can one tell what state the tumor is until the tumor is under the microscope? I do know whatever road I’m on God is there, I feel Him, He has me! I remember one of the songs I heard right after the first diagnosis, “He Knows My Name,” and He does.

I often comment on, how do people get through hard times without Christ?  If you could feel what I’m feeling now, you would run to the cross. It’s supernatural. I’m a big fraidy cat when it comes to surgeries and tests. I have that peace that surpasses my own understanding. All I can do is thank God for giving me what He promised in Timothy. Love ( His love), Power (the power of the Holy Spirit), and a sound mind (the mind of Christ). That’s a winning combination.

I’m off now to the library, my sister and daughter have done some research and I would like to see all of my options. I’d rather get some books, because sometimes, the internet is just a scary place, too much information. You know what they say, “hope for the best and prepare for the worst.”  My hope is in Christ, can’t get any better than that.

I will probably use this blog with any updates now and then, because I will have other things to write about besides cancer. I guess that’s one way to get some followers, ha.

My next post will be about the latest book I recently read, “Hungry River,” by Millie N.S. Loved it. It’s a trilogy and I’m placing my order for the other two. I need to know what happened with Nils, Alfred, Meggie and Abigail. If you are so inclined ~stay tuned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkw3a4raWfg

Psalm 34:1-4

“I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the LORD; the humble shall hear of it and be glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name altogether. I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fear.”