The Fight Continues

Cancer Sucks !! I hate that word, well actually I hate both words, but stinks, just doesn’t quite cover it.

I met with my oncologist yesterday after a concern of mine and her words were, “it appears that the cancer has returned.” Having triple negative I knew there was a chance but I didn’t expect it so soon.

The first time I heard the words, “its cancer,” I was devastated. I shook, I cried. For months I could not get control of the fear and wrap my head around this horrible invader. After having the tumor removed, it appeared the three main lymph nodes were clean. They sewed me up and sent the nodes off to the lab.

Upon closer examination there was a smidge in one node. Another surgery. On my second treatment of chemo, my gallbladder was infected and spreading poison throughout my system. Another surgery. Recently because of the gallbladder surgery, apparently three stones managed to drop in the bile duct and decide they liked living there, which would have caused a life threatening situation. Another procedure. I really think there should be a cap on surgeries and procedures in one’s lifetime, not from an Obama Care mandate, but just sayin’.

I fought the fight the first time and have read other stories where the cancer has returned and thought, oh my goodness, I would fall apart. But guess what? I heard what the oncologist had to say, and I was amazed at the grace and peace God showered on me yesterday and today. Tears came as I thought about Ron, my mom, my family, my bucket list, but not for long. I refuse to go back in the pit that God has taken me out of. I refuse to let cancer control my life. It will have some part of it, only to fight it; but not all of it.

It did NOT take my laughter this time, it did NOT take my joy. I have a renewed sense of God’s love for me daily. Now, don’t get me wrong, they have ordered a slew of tests for Friday. And I’m thinking, how can one tell what state the tumor is until the tumor is under the microscope? I do know whatever road I’m on God is there, I feel Him, He has me! I remember one of the songs I heard right after the first diagnosis, “He Knows My Name,” and He does.

I often comment on, how do people get through hard times without Christ?  If you could feel what I’m feeling now, you would run to the cross. It’s supernatural. I’m a big fraidy cat when it comes to surgeries and tests. I have that peace that surpasses my own understanding. All I can do is thank God for giving me what He promised in Timothy. Love ( His love), Power (the power of the Holy Spirit), and a sound mind (the mind of Christ). That’s a winning combination.

I’m off now to the library, my sister and daughter have done some research and I would like to see all of my options. I’d rather get some books, because sometimes, the internet is just a scary place, too much information. You know what they say, “hope for the best and prepare for the worst.”  My hope is in Christ, can’t get any better than that.

I will probably use this blog with any updates now and then, because I will have other things to write about besides cancer. I guess that’s one way to get some followers, ha.

My next post will be about the latest book I recently read, “Hungry River,” by Millie N.S. Loved it. It’s a trilogy and I’m placing my order for the other two. I need to know what happened with Nils, Alfred, Meggie and Abigail. If you are so inclined ~stay tuned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkw3a4raWfg

Psalm 34:1-4

“I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the LORD; the humble shall hear of it and be glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name altogether. I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fear.”